Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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