dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Boobs speak an international language.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
