hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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