Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't think brook has ever known best
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
