After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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