I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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