Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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