I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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