There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
