Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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