OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Welp...herpes.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
