Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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