my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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