I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
