i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
