Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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