Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i believe in u and ur pee
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
