i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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