Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
