Your face is a jimmy john
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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