I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
