That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
