We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
