I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
