you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
