If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
