he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
