Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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