Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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