so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
