she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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