whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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