i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
