My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
