Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
