Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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