big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
