we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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