oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I believe in your delicious
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
