If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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