from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
