You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
