Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So squirting runs in the family.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
