I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
