i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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