you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
