i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Someone came in the potted fern
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
