Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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