There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
