There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Did we literally take a cab across the street
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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