i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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