you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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