I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
