he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
