wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
