Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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