i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
