his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
