a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We had to coat check the pizza.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
