He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
