I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
