He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
