a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize