Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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