false alarm. still invincible.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
