mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
