I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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