i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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